Dear SakuPairingFans
by Bored Konoha Kunoichi
Summary: crack. SakuPairing Bashing. Dear Fans, I know you love me, but guess what? I'm single and LOVING it! So don't you go pairing me up with a random guy! I WILL COME CRACK YOUR HEAD OPEN! Yours beloved, Sakura


A/N: Hi pplz!!!! So yes, I was very bored during History class ('cause my history teacher's just ew) , starting writing this down, and turned it into a fiction XD I will update **Loathing **as soon as I get decent amount of reviews!!

**Disclaimor**: I do NOT own Naruto!!! I'm a Korean **_GIRL, _**NOT a Japanese man with an amazing artistic talent that I do NOT possess...but if you ever come to see Sasu making out with Saku in the actual story, that means Naruto's ownership has been passed to me!!

**Summary: **Sakura puts up a message up on her homepage, complaining she doesn't like pairings- but fans start posting messages arguing!! And guess what? Sakura argues back:) (Making fun of Pairings XD )

If you don't want to read about all the pairings, I'll give you a list so you can skip down if you want-

1.Narusaku 2.KibaSaku 3.LeeSaku 4.NejiSaku 5.SaiSaku 6. ShikaSaku 7.ChojiSaku 8.ShinoSaku 9.SasuSaku 10.GaaSaku and KankuSaku 11. SenseiSaku and SaninSaku

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Dear SakuPairing fans, 

Hi, this is Haruno Sakura, you know, the pink-haired girl on team 7? With the weird green eyes? Okay, so yeah, been reading some fanfictions, and I'm actually quite impressed with all the great writings!! …until I came across the horror of…PAIRINGS.

Look, I know you guys just _LOVE_ setting me up with other males characters, but let me make one thing straight- I am currently _single_, and **loving it**

Sincerely,

Haruno Sakura

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Dear Sakura-san,

Sakura-san, I get that you like being single, but you _have_ to get married someday! And do you know who the perfect man is? None other than UZUMAKI NARUTO! You guys would make such an **ADORABLE COUPLE**!! –squeals- The future Hokage, he's SUPER strong and protective, so it's totally assured that he'll keep you safe, and he's _CUTE_!! Don't you _love_ his mischievous side? And he's really enthusiastic, so he can totally make you happy!! He already loves you too, so it ALL WORKS OUT!! Really, imagine those cute, cute little girls and boys with pink and blonde hair, azure and emerald eyes running around with whisker marks!! KAWAII!!! **BELIEVE IT!**

Love,

FoxNCherryBlossom

Dear FoxNCherryBlossom,

If you have read or watched the series, you should know by now that what Naruto and I have is pure _brotherly and sisterly love. Nothing more. __**GOT IT**_And really, you should know by now that **Hinata** **likes Naruto**, and _they're_ totally _meant_ to be!! Not me and him!! There should be lavender/blonde haired boys and girls running around with blue _byakugan_! And no, it _doesn't _all work out, 'cause if you are sane and not blind, you should've already seen me beatingthe _crap_ out of Naruto _because _he's loud. Sure, I like that he's enthusiastic, but he _needs_ to SHUT UP, and Hina-chan can teach him that. He's also too frivolous and stupid. Think about it. It's one thing your _dear_ Naruto-kun can't do. 'cause I don't BELIEVE IT!

Love,

CherryBlosssom (?) a.k.a. Haruno Sakura

Dear Sakura-chan,

I totally agree that the stupid blonde Naruto is not fit for you. You should totally go out with Kiba-kun! Isn't he like, so hot? Really, I you've GOT to agree with me. The marks on his cheeks just..just..-squeals- Like, if you like the enthusiastic side of Naruto, then Kiba-kun's _definitely _the one for you!! He's enthusiastic, but he's actually strong, _cool, _and actually _has a __brain!!!_ And I don't see you beating the crap out of _him._ And there are no girls that are like, _meant_ to be with him except for you!!! _**Kyahh**_!!!

Love,

PinkXDogs

Dear PinkXDogs (what the..?),

Yes, thank you for agreeing with me that Naruto's not the one for me, but no thank you for saying that _Kiba's _the one for ME!! Well, yeah, I guess he is cool, and his cheek marks _are_ hot. And he actually _thinks. _But thinking is a natural part of a human, and other people can think _waaay_ better than Kiba. Really. And you can't really say he's strong "unlike Naruto", 'cause Naruto beat him in the Chuunin exams, remember? And Kiba's too much of a player. _If _I ever get together with somebody, I want someone devoted, you know? It sounds more like _you _want to get laid with him, not me. And if you think there are no girls that are like, _meant _to be with Kiba, then I guess he was never meant to be with anyone.

Love,

Pink a.k.a. Haruno Sakura (I do like dogs, but er…pink dogs are just…not.)

Dear Sakura-san,

Looking for enthusiasm? Looking for fidelity and loyalty? Lee-kun is the BEST FOR YOU!!! Leesaku, _leesaku_, **leesaku**, don't you _just LOVE _how that word rolls off your tongue? Lee-kun is totally perfect for you!! He's affectionate, passionate, loyal, and honest! Not to mention great body..-drools- anyways, Lee-kun has already vowed to protect you, and he WILL!! HE'S AWSOME!!! He'll never let you DOWN!! **YOSH**!!

Sincerely,

LotusBlossomXOXO

Dear LotusBlossomXOXO,

…Yes, I am looking for enthusiasm. Yes, I'm looking for fidelity. And _hell NO_ I'm NOT looking for Rock Lee. And no, the word "leesaku" does _NOT_ roll off my tongue "just like that". I never really said I liked bubbly type, I prefer tall, lean, silent, mysterious, etc, you know what I mean. I guess Lee-san is quite nice, and he cares about me a lot. But things called "over the top" do exist in this world, and _that's LEE._ He does _everything overly_, and I still don't get his "youth" crap…really. And…hot body? (?!?!?!?!)-twitch twitch- out of all the letters I've received…you, LotusBlossomXOXO, has serious mental issues. I suggest you go see a psychologist right away. _PLEASE._

Love,

Haruno Sakura

Dear Sakura-san,

Sakura-san, by what your preference in men is, if you are still waiting for that chicken-butt haired emo, _don't __waste_ your time!! Neji-kun's here for you!! Seriously, he's a silent & strong & mysterious type! You guys were FATED to be with each other! I mean, you _totally_ want to feel his _soft, LONG, __silky brown_ hair, don't you? Seriously! ANY normal girl would die to feel that endless hair, and that sturdy- -drools- ehem, anyways, LONG LIVE HYUUGA SAKURA!!!

Sincerely,

PinkByakuganLuvR

Dear PinkByakuganLuvR, (having pink eyes would be freaky…and my eyes are _green!­)_

I am NOT waiting for Sasuke-kun or am planning to go out with or just whatever, nor do I even love him. (I think) And Sasuke-kun is NOT an emo, so don't call him that, and he has _duckbutt-haircut, _not ­_chickenbutt-haircut!! _Also, you left out one of the most important criteria in my taste! I like silent & strong & mysterious AND DARK! Last time I checked, Neji-san isn't, and I barely know him! (been on a couple of mission with him, _still_ calls me _Haruno-san_.) And no, he and TENTEN were totally destined to be together, and Neji-san's SO over that fate carp already. Once again, seems like you want to go with Neji-san rather than me being paired with him. –sweatdrops- And I prefer my name to be _Haruno_ Sakura, thank you very much.

Love,

Haruno Sakura

P.S. Yes, I do want to know how Neji-san's hair feels- it's curiosity- it's okay. It killed the cat, that's all. And I can find out during annual physicals, anyways.

Dear Sakura-chan,

I totally understand your taste in men! Really, screw those other dickless idiots! You should go for Sai-kun! Totally, he fits your _criteria!!!_ He's dark, mysterious, strong, and unbelievably HOT! He's basically like our old crush, except this one's not emo, and has a sensiblehair cut! I KNOW that Sai-kun can totally comfort you, and I KNOW he loves you! He just doesn't know how to express it, and YOU can teach it to him :) 'cause I KNOW you LOVE him deep inside!! –squeals-

Love,

ArtistNMedicMeant2B

Dear ArtistNMedicMeant2B, (your penname's quite long…)

Wow, you seem to claim you KNOW a lot of things, but I KNOW a lot, also! I KNOW that Sai is a girly freak who doesn't know how to do anythingexcept for how to mock others! He is NOT HOT. OKAY? Maybe on your scale. Not mine. He's not mysterious nor strong nor quiet. He's a bizarre, blunt weirdo who doesn't know when to speak and when to shut up. Oh yeah, _sure_ he loves me, _sure_ that he calls me "hag" because he doesn't know how to day the word "darling" or something. _Sure_ when I punch him square in the face, it's a "love pat" to the extreme. Seriously, ArtistNMedicMeant2B (phew, a LONG name..), there are times when imagination needs to tone down.

Sincerely,

Haruno Sakura

Dear Sakura-chan

Yeah, Sai's too much of a jerk for you. 'cause it's SHIKASAKU ALL THE WAY! I mean, Shika-kun's actually _intelligent_, so you can actually _have_ a _sophisticated_ conversation! Really, Shika-kun's soo smart, and he's gotten _pretty_ handsome after the time skip, no? And his hair's just so awesome!! It's just, so, like, PINEAPPLELY!! Don't you just wanna see him with his hair DOWN?! And he fits your criteria!! He's dark, mysterious, strong, (I mean, he KILLED Hidan! An Akatsuki member!!) and silent!! The medic and the strategist, the brain couple of Konoha! And he knows how to relax, also:) S and S, SHIKASAKU!!!!!

Love,

Troublesome Cherry

Dear Troublesome Cherry,

It says clearly in your name, the reason why I don't want to go out with Shikamaru. _He's _too troublesome to date, and he thinks _I'm troublesome _also, so yeah. We do have, er, "sophisticated" conversations at times…I go over to play shogi with him quite often. And you must be blind also, since you're actually calling the squinty-eyed pineapple head "handsome". Sure, he got Hidan, but guess what? _I _got **Sasori!! **And Shika can be a SERIOUS wimp at times…no screw that, he IS a WIMP!! He was just emotionally driven when he killed Hidan, k? Also, no he DOES NOT fit my criteria!! He's NOT dark, NOT mysterious and NOT quiet, he's just LAZY!!! God, he's too lazy for his own good and sure, I like relaxing, but he's SLUGGISH. RELAXING AND BEING SLUGGISH 24/7 ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. Being too lazy, he doesn't care. I would like someone who CARES about my well-being. And by reading your letter, Troublesome Cherry, I suggest you _learn _something from Shika, because you seem to be in great need of what Shika has…BRAINS.

Love,

Untroublesome Cherry

P.S.

Shika and INO were made for each other, NOT ME. Though he says she's troublesome, he doesn't mean it.

Dear Sakura-san,

If you want someone who cares, then Choji's DEFINETLY the one for you!! He's a nice, caring guy, and he's got a round personality!! I think you guys would look so CUTE!! And Choji-kun's a BIG GUY, so he can totally protect you!! I heard rumors that you were EXELLENT at cooking, and I think Choji-san would love that!!

Sincerely,

Pink Butterfly

Dear Pink Butterfly,

I must agree that Choji's quite caring and passionate…for **FOOD. **Really, have you ever _seen_ him without food? _EVER? NO. _And he's not only _round_ in personality, but more PHYSICALLY. Choji and I don't WORK OUT. ESPECIALLY PHYSICALLY. He doesn't fit my criteria at ALL, and his headband looks like an upside-down diaper on his head. (No offense to him, though, 'cause he _is_ nice…) And what's with everyone saying that "oh, they can protect you," and "oh, they're strong, they'll keep you safe"?!?! Look, I'm a full-fledged Kunoichi, HECK, you've _seen_ me create _craters, _I can take care of MYSELF!! And about the cooking thing? …don't even ask, Pink Butterly-san…don't even ask…

Sincerely,

Pink Blossom, a.k.a. Haruno Sakura

Dear Sakura-san,

I think you and Shino-kun would make quite a great couple. He _does _fit your criteria, (or at least the ones that you have already mentioned above), and though he _seems_ void of emotions, deep down he just does not know how to express in internal emotions yet. I believe with you, the most expressive, beautiful kunoichi in Konoha teaching him how to love, you two will eventually become inseparable.

Sincerely,

BlossomsAttractBugs

Dear BlossomsAttractBugs,

Wow, I'm quite impressed by your form of writing…everyone else's were quite colloquial, while _you _seem to have something none of the others had…intelligence. But despite your ability to argue formally and politely, I must say, your support is quite pointless and impractical. Oh, I've been in the same squad as Shino on missions, and I've tried to talk to him…_tried. And failed. _He just won't TALK BACK to me!! Let alone talk AT ALL!! I do enjoy my peace and quiet, but I'd like someone who actually responds, so I actually know that they are now dead. I've already given up on becoming friends with him, so I don't think as a "couple" would work out. AT ALL.

Sincerely,

Haruno Sakura

Dear Sakura-chan,

HOW CAN THOSE OTHER LI'L TRAITORS _DARE_ TO THINK ABOUT PAIRING YOU UP WITH OTHER GUYS!! IT'S OBVIOUS that YOU should be, and _will be_ with SASU-CHAN!! No one else fits you better, Sakura-chan!! Though Sasuke acted like and still acts like he doesn't care, but guess what? HE DOES!! Don't you remember him being _so _protective of you during mission? That's 'cause he LOVED YOU, AND STILL DOES!! He still has to "restore" his clan, remember? –wink wink- It's totally obvious that it's going to be with you!! The term "SasuSaku" sounds _just soo PERFECT, _and you guys look good together, too!! (Pink and blue look sooo pretty together!!) You're the only one that ever cared for him so much, and you CANNOT _GIVE UP ON __**HIM!!! **_**S.A.S.U.S.A.K.U. ALL THE WAY!!!**

Love,

Uchiha Cherry Blossom

Dear Uchiha Cherry Blossom,

Thank you for your support, but IT'S NOT OBVIOUS!! Oh yeah, _sure, _it's so _obvious_ that he "loves" me, when he called me frigg'n ANNOYING and WEAK _ALL THE TIME!! _What do you mean "no one fits me better"?!?! Would YOU want to live a life when you get MOCKED EVERY SINGLE DAY?! And where'd you get the "he still cares"? He was about to KILL me back at the sound base!! If it wasn't for sensei, I wouldn't be ALIVE right now! And he never cared anyways…really, yeah, Sasuke-kun _cared_ about me _sooo much, _that he left me on a FRIGG'N BENCH!! WHERE I COULD POSSIBLY GET RAPED OR KIDNAPPED DURING THE NIGHT!! And sure, I _use _to love him, but I've got a thing called a reputation, and dignity, and I don't think I want to become a baby-machine for a missing-nin who betrayed his whole village to go slaughter the weasel thing (his so-called brother)…really. And you didn't seem to make much of an argument, anyways. You're just assuming, no actual proofs… sad, no?

Love,

Haruno Sakura

Dear Sakura-san,

It's so clear now that no one in Konoha _fits_ you perfectly. But think on the bright side- there's still SAND!! The one perfect for you is GAARA-KUN!!! He's _already_ an uber-strong Kazekage (unlike Naruto), he's passionate for his village safety (which with a li'l work, all that passion will be towards you!!) and he's HOT!!!! Don't you totally agree? His messy, unkempt red hair's just so HOT AS THE DESERT SAND!!! Or, if Gaara-kun's not really your type, there's still Kankuro!!! He's awesome, too!!!

Love,

Desert Blossom

Dear Desert Blossom,

Nope. You know, this is getting quite old…all of you just don't make a strong point at all…you're all just like, "oh, he's HOT!" or just, "oh, he's totally cool!!" …it's not going to get me anywhere, and I'm getting bored now. No, I don't want to go out with Gaara…though he's a really great friend, and a very nice person, I think we're better off as "friends"… and he wears MASCARA. I SWEAR HE DOES!! I mean, _he_ says it's natural, but I don't believe it!! Same thing goes for his absence of eyebrows. As for Kankuro, hm…dunno WHERE you got HIM, from, but he has GOT to loose the face paint.

Love,

Haruno Sakura

Dear Sakura-chan,

I SWEAR, I WILL ACTUALLY MAKE A POINT HERE. Look, you've got to get settled sometime, right? So, if none of the guys your age fit you, why not the SENSEIS? KYAHH!!!! I mean, Kakashi-sensei would be TOTALLY willing, and he's a stable man with a high-ranking job, and he's SEXY!!! Same for Asuma-sensei- he's BUFF!!! YAY!! And as for Iruka-sensei, he's _such_ a nice guy, you should totally shoot for him!! And if you prefer _older guys, _then why not Jiraiya-sama or Oro-sama? KYAAA!!! XDXDXDXD

Love,

Aged Cherry

Dear Aged Cherry,

0o;;…YOU are SICK. No comment on ANYTHING **ELSE.** Okay, how old is Kakashi-sensei again? TWICE MY AGE?!?! Asuma-sensei's dead, (no offense to him, though), and with Iruka-sensei is just WRONG. And I don't know who to call the pedophile…YOU or Jiraiya/Oro. THEY are OVER 50, I am BELOW 20, and YOU ARE TWISTED.

Sincerely, (not really)

Haruno Sakura

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Dear SakuPairing Fans,

If even Jiraiya-sama came up as my pairing, I _know _people are going to put Akatsuki members on here. You know, I've never _met_ _half of them, _I don't even know _half of them EXISTS, _and _they _don't know ME, EITHER!!! (They'll probably kill me beforehand, anyways.) As for the "popular" ItaSaku, look, Itachi is a sadistic idiot who wants to get killed by his brother's hand so badly, and he looks like A GIRL. And Sasori, I killed him. Deidara? Never met him. Everyone else? I DON'T EVEN KNOW THEIR FRIGG'N NAMES!! So don't pair me up with people I don't know that exists, and I AM STRAIGHT, thank you very much, so don't even try sending a letter to me trying to argue about this, 'cause I'm NOT going to bother responding. Just don't go there.

Love,

Haruno Sakura

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-The next day- 

Sakura's Homepage:

Message Inbox:

_Dear Sakura-san_ From **Sharingan Blossom** DELETED

_Dear Sakura-chan_ From **SharkNCherry** DELETED

_Dear Sakura-san_ From **ExplodingLove** DELETED

_Dear Sakura-san_ From **PiousNProud** DELETED

_Dear Sakura-chan_ From **Cherry Puppet** DELETED

etc...

"-sigh- these people just don't know _when_ or _how_ to give up…" –Sakura-

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So yeah, a bunch of randomness once again 

I'm actually thinking about making a sequel, so if you REALLY enjoyed the story, please REVIEW!!

And for those who didn't like this, don't even bother FLAMING, 'cause it's not worth my time or yours...

If you really liked this, feel free to check out my other one-shots..the funny ones, that is...

This fiction is dedicated to all those who reviewed for my story **Video Camera!!!!**

**_hiddenleafscherryblossom, wintafaeriy, WingsRider, SasuSakualways, Sony89, Sonya, Sasukelova, Mariegurl, Oyuki, Ur2tRoUbLeSoMe90, JadeMesmerizedByOnyx, SakuraUchiha4, Kitomi21, TightropeDancing_**

Thank you soo much for reviewing!! And for those who has reviewed for **Which one's my Future self?**, don't worry, a fic dedicated to you is own its way!!!

REVIEW or I'll send DRUNKEN AND FURIOUS TSUNADE AFTER YOU!! (mreaning she'll crack more than a bone, and annihilate everything on her path :) have fun lol, j/k j/k) (though I might...who knows -shrugs-)


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